Offer, Don't Impose: How to Help with Empathy
I'm sure we all remember how we felt when somebody we care about was under the weather or was suffering from a more serious ailment. We immediately searched our memory to find any experiences which we might have on this matter, where we successfully overcame this ailment through our own action. The more we care, the more we are motivated to help.
If we have such an experience we immediately try to help or so we think. That’s when we step into a trap. The person we care about might have a different perspective from ours and we have a difference of opinion. We try to present arguments from our side, that we believe might convince the other person, that our course of action was successful and that it therefore must be adopted for the greater good of the other person. Soon the conversation might escalate into an argument.
Parents frequently face the same or similar conundrum while raising their children. Sometimes, it isn’t easy to convince children that their parents’ advice is sound and that they need to follow it. While children and adults are different in how they process information, the underlying issue is the same.
What we neglect to consider is that the other person has their own belief systems, their own course of action eventually and their own way of life. Children may not have their own course of action, but they begin to formulate one. Their ego, which is the protecting authority within them, is gradually ramping up its resources with the goal of directing the growing consciousness. That consciousness is constantly in the process of emancipating from parental influence, particularly during puberty. All this may derail our efforts to convince the other person that our course of action is somehow better than the other person’s course of action. While it is easy for parents to just tell their children what to do, it is not the right way to influence another person. Children would rightfully assert their independence even though it might result in deteriorating the relationship with their parents. It is not what parents do for their children that matters. It is how they do it. The younger a child is, the less understanding it is regarding adults. It is functioning almost completely with the Heart, while the ego is developing. If the ego is hurt by parental actions, then the child is hurt and it typically takes years for the child to heal. This is why it is generally accepted that parenting creates new karma.
We must strive to support the people we care about in their own actions and in their own decisions. In the case of children, we must speak their language, which is not rooted in logic, but instead consists of abstract concepts and feelings. We can provide all the information we have about the ailment they struggle with and convince them that we can help them to feel better. Everybody is different and everybody deserves to find their own way. It would be wise to convince children to adopt our way freely, because we care for them. If we ponder about adults in this context, then we will easily conclude that if they wanted to adopt the suggested course of action, they would. We are overlooking one or more factors that make our course of action inappropriate for the person we care about. For some reason that doesn’t matter in the long run, they might decide not to apply our course of action to the same or similar predicament they have, even though it was successful for us in the past. So, the question emerges if it is really the same predicament that has bothered us in the past and our loved ones in the present? From a probabilistic point of view the circumstances are almost always different. It’s their life – not ours. Furthermore… who are we to rob the people we care about of the thrill of success, that we achieved earlier on our own? What would the other person or persons learn if we solved all their issues for them? They might benefit in the short term, but where would that leave them? They wouldn’t learn in their own way, so they wouldn’t have the opportunity to build character and generate wisdom from their own experience. It would be an empty success for them from the perspective of learning. No one can cheat their way through the exams of the school of Earth and graduation would be postponed if we tried to cheat. Obviously, if there was a life-or-death situation, they would gladly accept our assistance, but in any other case they have their own free will to accept or reject it. It is their life, their accountability and their responsibility. This is just one part of being in a balanced relationship of any kind.
Assistance without interference is generally much more appropriate, compared to assistance motivated by blind enthusiasm or even enforced assistance guided by conditional love. The latter can and will create challenges for all involved and the assisted would be required to learn their inherent lessons again through similar circumstance in their life, while the assisters would eventually realize their wrongdoing after the fact. Much pain and aggravation could have been avoided. This was a harsh lesson that the Sirians had to learn, because of their interference in younger cultures, including our own, when they were guiding us.
Understanding when our help is required is of paramount importance. The only question we need to ask the person we feel that we need to assist would be “Do you need help?” They would respond to that question, and we would know if our assistance would be required. Trying to assist before asking this question would diminish our chances to be of assistance. It is important to use less words when asking somebody if they need help. This is a lesson that I am still learning. I have learned that I can only present my experiences and allow others to learn from them if they so choose and perhaps ask for more help if it is necessary for them. If not, then my assistance is not required. Upon further examination, the reasons for my behaviour may change, but they are always related to my ego, if I insist on helping. There is a saying that goes “The road to hell is paved with good intentions”. It is absolutely, one hundred percent true. It is not our job to be saviours. From a certain perspective, that was the job of Jesus. Why would we so audaciously elevate our limited selves to the level of a magnificent spiritual being? Are we so lost in hubris that we cannot realize when it’s our time to help and when it’s time to step back?
In any case, merely offering to help checks off our spiritual requirement to assist others. Believe it or not, we have done enough to help, by offering our assistance. If people agree to receive assistance remains to be seen. If it is meant for us to render assistance, then we will do so. We cannot “go to war” so to speak with people we want to assist with something. We simply cannot, as that would negate the original reason why we offered our assistance.
We must always know the reason or reasons why we offered to help. Many times, our ego is pushing us to help. Assistance that springs forth from the ego is conditional, as we always get something out of it, whether it is something we know and admit or something that is subconscious and cannot admit to. If we are motivated by unconditional love to assist somebody, then they will find it easier to accept this assistance on their terms, because violating their boundaries in the process is never acceptable. Integrity is a cornerstone of spiritual sovereignty. Under the framework of Universal Law, it is neither permitted to enforce assistance, nor to render conditional assistance. It is also necessary to render only the most limited assistance necessary, in agreement with the recipient of such assistance, because otherwise we actively interfere with their learning process.
Moving from third-density consciousness to fourth-density consciousness requires us to unlearn common misconceptions. One of them is “how much are we allowed to help”? We must know in advance, how much help is enough and how much help is unnecessary. The rule of thumb here would be to render precisely enough assistance to the recipient of such assistance for them to resume becoming a student of life on their own. As an example, if a rider falls from a horse, it would be prudent to assist them only if they need assistance to get back on their feet and not back on the saddle. That would be something to contemplate separately if they request it. You might ask your selves why is that. It is simple. Third-density consciousness is about doing, whereas fourth-density consciousness is about feeling. It would be like cheating. We learn by doing, while observing our thoughts and feelings in the process. If somebody else is doing for us that, which we must do on our own, then what’s the point of having constant assistance? Fortunately, we always learn something out of everything. In our example, if somebody where to help us to get back on the saddle without asking us beforehand if we agree, then we will have learned immediately that this person is a good person and eager to help, but after a while and focusing back on our selves, we will have learned that we still lack the dexterity and skill to mount the horse properly and need more practice or perhaps that it hurts less to mount it with assistance received, after we have fallen from it. This is just a playful example to illustrate the number of potential repercussions involved in rendering assistance.
Perhaps the most detrimental effect of rendering assistance in the wrong way is the creation of additional bad karma. So, when you try to help somebody, think again. It might just not be worth the trouble for your self. The saying “no good deed goes unpunished” comes to mind. Sometimes it is because we imposed our help, instead of merely offering it.
After a while we realize that being of assistance in fourth-density consciousness is truly an artform. Perhaps it is better to help from the backstage, instead from the limelight. Creating the right circumstances for others to spontaneously ask for our help might be the right way of saying “I’m here to help”. Assistance is about giving and receiving. It is an exchange of love energy that requires an energetic toll to be paid by both the giver and the receiver. The giver is motivated by love to assist the receiver and goes out of their way to assist, while the receiver has been prepared by the right consciousness environment cultivated by the giver beforehand and humbling themselves to receive. This consciousness bubble that creates a trusting and loving ambience is the ability of the giver to convince potential receivers that they will benefit from the help rendered by the giver. It also boils down to the credibility of the giver. Being knowledgeable in the area where assistance is sought by anybody who needs assistance, will attract these people to receive assistance. Knowing when and how to render assistance as well as when and how to request some, will be a crucial skill to master for humans when they venture out into interstellar space. Humans will in time be expected to have outgrown their ego, as well as have developed a conscious, living relationship with unconditional love and Universal Law, because from a third-density consciousness perspective, things are not always as they seem. There are always more perspectives to ponder. Losing our human conditioning will be the first step for humans aiming to connect with extraterrestrial beings.
You might be surprised by the amount of consideration involved in an act of rendering or receiving assistance. We gradually understand, why there is so much analysis needed for something that we wouldn’t spend a thought on yesterday. We are noticing the hidden complexity behind so many things that enter our consciousness as we evolve and are now able to perceive them. Perhaps, soon we won’t be in Kansas anymore, just like Dorothy in the Wizard of Oz, when we begin having more substantial contact with extraterrestrial beings. It would be wise then to remember another saying, which is “When in Rome, do as the Romans do”, meaning that we will have to leave behind our outdated and conditioned human behaviour of today and adapt to how things are felt and done among the stars as a matter of course.
On another note, I have recently noticed that everything, literally everything I experience, yields some form of lesson. I can feel these lessons with my Heart, more than I can quantify them with my mind. Feeling and knowing becomes more prevalent than thinking and concluding. It's hard to describe. It happens typically while I am absentminded, where I get a feeling of what’s the best course of action on something I remembered, although this might be the result of a mind and Heart that’s becoming even more blended than before. I catch my self in the act of learning something and I ask my self “where did this come from”? I believe the more we evolve and the more our minds and Hearts blend together and utilize the bridge between mind and Heart, the more conscious we instantly become of our experiences and their meanings for us.
If you think that this is going to be challenging, think again. Or rather, don’t think at all. Thinking is what usually gets us into trouble. Evolving from Homo Sapiens to Homo Galacticus is much less challenging if you follow your Heart and if you vow to be your true Self. Just remind your limited self every day of your life that you must be your true Self. The rest will come naturally. Ah yes, I almost forgot. Loving your self and all other beings is the foundation for everything we need.